Happy, happy, New Year X's! I played with this particular blog for quite sometime, because I needed the words, though I didn't have them. Well, at least not the best of them. I didn't have the words we all truly felt deep down. The feelings of loss, sadness, and exhaustion we all feel deep down. When was the last time someone checked on you or asked were you alright?
The pain of 2020 isn't anything a New Year could wash away. We're all still mourning, uncertain, and lastly lost. Who knows what's in stored for 2021? Better yet, who's excited to see? No one. This New Year I find it harder to believe everyone felt as though they were granted a do over, fresh start, and moment of relief. Because we're all still worried. We're all worried in suspense and undeniable fears.
It's harder to welcome a New Year when the previous year was labeled your worst year yet. I didn't plan for 2021, and everyone knows Trinade is a planner. Though 2020 has granted me with hope, adjustment, and crucial faith.
Hope of 2020
I simply hoped for better. I hoped for survival for me, my family, my friends, you guys, and even the millions of Americans I didn't know. Daily.
Adjustments of 2020
I adjusted to my loss of prom, graduation, and the aspect of social distancing. I found enjoyment in simpler things. I adjusted by not labeling this year my worst, because it really could have been.
Faith in/after 2020
I prayed. I prayed hard, long, and multiple times a day. I needed my faith to ensure me that me and my family would be okay. And it did, we were, and still are okay. I believe only my faith could do that, and I'm confident it'll do the same this upcoming year.
Welcoming a New Year has always been scary for me, because it's room for many possibilities; outcomes. The unexpected is truly unexpected until it happens. Then, it's too bad or even too late. I hate not knowing. My anxiety troubles me as the New Year comes. I can only think of the worst, because assuming the best is now overrated. What are the strengths, encouragement, and wise words I could give?
"Keep going! You're strong."
"It'll get better!"
"I understand."
It's clique, it's tiring, and overly annoying.
A few X's have experienced a rough year, and I praise you for your continuance. You are loved, honored, and encouraged here.
New Year Better Me!
Hey X's is becoming clique, therefore I'm back. Back and better! Don't say I hit you too fast either after this. Last year 2019 to be exact, everyone was becoming so selfishly great in 2020. Just, what happened? Oh right, the pandemic. Blah. It's supposed to be self first. Why wait until 2021 to become unapologetically selfish suddenly? What was so different about you in 2020 compared to 2019? I couldn't spot it at first either,personally. Because being stagnant is enjoyably comfortable. Let's become uncomfortable for once, shall we? I'm brutal right now, but we're all still the same. Just human, causally using the pandemic as relief to suit our poor growth.
For roughly a month and a half, I've said no more will I be a "the pandemic ruined me" type of person. I'm so quick to place blame on others, the world, astrology, and politics. When it's me! Geesh Trinade, it's you. Why can't everyone admit it? It's hard, so freaking hard, because I've been there countless times.
This path, journey, and seemingly oath I've taken is grand. Maybe not to you, but for me personally. Being home in Memphis has grounded me, I got back in touch with my purpose, goal, and motivation. College did not ruin me. I repeat, it didn't. College strictly has informed me that drifting is real, legitimate, and nevertheless a learning experience. So this journey or oath, whatever you rather see it as requires drive, positivity, and geesh self-love. Unbelievable right? Self-love.
Here's a thought: How can one navigate in life or in driving a car without checking themselves first? You can't. So, now the last year (2020) has held you shackled, at your lowest, and has been lastly the absolute worst because of the pandemic.. Oh, and let me guess 2021 will be your best year right?
We live, laugh, and love for the next person or object. But the average human as myself will admit, it is harder to live, laugh, and love yourself and genuinely mean it.
My daily therapy emphasizes:
Prayer.
Positive/Motivational affirmations.
Scolding myself beforehand.
Praising myself daily for even the minimal achievements.
Surrounding myself with positive peers.
Emphasizing an overall positive aura.
If you're interested in this journey, I encourage you to join me. You'll feel the difference. Make 2020 the last year of tolerating less than you deserve.
This year I said screw the resolutions, new person facade, and the uproar of leaving people alone abruptly. This year I choose me, and you should as well. We're all healing from someone or something, but 2021 should be our selfish year. Because who know's if we're promised to see the end of 2021? No one. Time is running out, we're growing old, and the world is a war zone. Live for yourself now, before it's too late. We aren't promised life. So handle your bucket list now, and accomplish your wildest goal. Keep dreaming, but it's time to fulfill those childhood dreams now to make room for more! You must live as if your book will end soon.
My New Year Goals:
Eliminate negative thoughts.
Speak positivity amongst myself.
Body gains.
Start reading my bible heavily.
Be a even more positive influence.
Hold better thoughts.
Compliment myself more.
Learn more about Optometry.
I haven't sat and mapped things completely out in full detail, sorry! I simply know to move forward, strive to be okay and rich in faith. That's all one can do, right?
To anyone lost, continue on. After all, anything lost can be found again.
My advice for this New Year? Pray. Continue on. And lastly, remain great even through your struggle! Heal and shift with hope, adjustments, and faith.